Couture week just came and went; we saw publications picking the best this and the top that, and of course, like every wedding season, bridal magazines seemed to get a fresh lease to life. I’ve been sensually bombarded with pictures of everyone’s ‘ideal bride’ and how they see their clothes being worn, the setting and the people. All commendable, all wonderful, all beautiful. But correct me if I’m wrong, it’s not hard for a stunning model to look even more stunning dressed as a bride, is it?
My nani would say (still does), that on your wedding day, you have shree on your face — a Maithili term I didn’t understand for a long time, but now know refers to a glow emitted by your soul that shines on your face as if a light was turned on from within — obviously a result of all the happy juices flowing (no, not that kind). Now that I feel like my grandmother (funny, but true), I see it, and I get it — though I’m not sure if I looked anywhere close to my nani’s ideal bride on my own wedding day — with Vicky, Veronica and their whole family of zits lodged on my face — but boy, was I emotional! Tears ran down my face at every word, every song. What I wore and how I looked were quite secondary compared to how I felt — a bloody sea of emotions. It felt like my heart would explode.
For a long time now, I’ve thought about brides and weddings. For those who don’t know, I used to plan weddings and events for a couple years in between, alongside being a stylist, and it now feels safe to say that it was the most dissatisfying job I ever had. None of the weddings were ever the way I imagined weddings should be, but we wouldn’t be hired if it were only my idea of one, would we?
What is my perfect wedding then? Small, quaint, cozy, sentimental, intimate...and definitely at home. I want it far from perfection. Flowers strung together by family, food cooked in the kitchen or garden under the supervision of a good old bawarchi, (and maybe the help of additional cooks — I do want everyone to enjoy the wedding and not spend all their time in the kitchen!), kids running around the house and getting in the way, young adults excited about dressing up and finding quiet corners to get chatty, older women with dholkis urging everyone to sing and dance. I would also like the man I was marrying to spend a few days in the room I once called mine and spent my childhood in — that’s the intimacy I’d like to begin a wedding with.Â
But alas! I see none of this in wedding adverts today, or actual weddings for that matter. It seems to be all about 5-star destinations, a bunch of staged dance performances, hundreds of people, and a ton of pressure showing on the faces of the to-be-wed and their families. Similarly, I don’t recall ever spotting an ad that presented a bride in simple clothes, laughing her heart out, or crying like there was no tomorrow. So I decided to finally talk about it.
Marriage to me, is about two souls coming together. Souls don’t have a face, they just make you feel a certain way — and when that’s translated to a wedding, to me, that feeling becomes that much more special and elevated than all the accoutrements that come with it. I’d like to see a bride and groom enjoy their family and friends as one, while revelling in their own togetherness, and getting to know more about one another through the eyes of their loved ones. I want to see their banter, I want to see their joy, their nervousness, their chemistry. I want to see the families and friends intimately celebrate these two individual souls coming together, with food, drinks, dancing, singing, and laughter. One might not even feel the need for a makeup artist, a designer, an event manager and those million vendors, when everything is so personal, so bare and beautiful, done for no validation, but purely as a celebration of love.
Obviously, you’re wondering whether I mean that the bride and groom need not shop for bridal clothes or jewellery at all? I know I personally wouldn’t, but to each their own. I believe a bride-to-be should only buy jewellery (if she so desires or needs) that she’ll wear often and not just on the big day. Same goes for clothes — buy only what you know you’ll wear again and again and again.
At this point, I should also emphasize the importance of comfort. I don’t know about you, but there’s no way I can have fun in something uncomfortable. It shows on my face and ruins my day. I’m not a fan of anything that pricks, leaves marks on your skin, weighs a hundred kilos, and has embroidery that won’t allow you to sit (lol) or need you to work out for months to fit into (ugh). Who made these rules anyway? And more importantly, why aren’t we boycotting them yet? What’s worse than being fed these flawless pictures of unreal brides and unreal weddings, is that we end up aspiring for the same lie.
So this is me urging you to break these norms, reject unreal-ness, and simply be you! Be the soul you are, get married in white if you’d like (I would), wear all the heavy jewellery you want or none at all. Invite only four friends if that’s how you’d like it, eat like an elephant (can’t miss shaadi food!), dance all day, drink all night and sleep in, or don’t drink at all and go to bed early. Laugh like it’s the most fun day of your life, cry your heart out, express nervousness, fear, joy, love, intimacy — do everything your heart feels and desires, but don’t let them tell you what it ‘should’ look like, ever!Â
It’s your wedding — do it your way. Aspire to be your own kind of bride.
